Potty Humor

My daughter, The Empress, is graduating from diapers to underpants. Probably no reason to celebrate (save the cost of diapers and, now, pre-school potty trained discount) except that this is another milestone in her growth, one that carries with it it's own consequences.

A few examples:

- "An Inconvenient Poop" - the need to go potty will usually occur while at the furthest point from a rest room in the department store.

- The "Would You Like Paper or Plastic" Poop - usually occurs just as the cashier begins checking out your weekly food order.

- The "False Alarm" usually occurs while driving and one must stop at the nearest reasonably clean rest room before child deposits hiney fruit in her child seat. Upon arriving at the rest room, child announces "No pee-pee - no poo-poo".

- The "Magic Seat Cover" Poop - parent places paper toilet seat cover on toilet seat, turns to lift child onto seat, and the automatic flush activates, flushing paper seat cover.

- The "Sanctified Poop" - occurs just as the preacher says "Let us pray."

- The "Would You Like Some Company?" Poop - probably a "False Alarm" poop, but child wants to keep parent nearby whilst parent ....... never mind.

- The "Tailgate Poop" - answer to several of the above scenarios ....... parent buys a potty at IKEA for 4 bucks and has it handy in his tool box in the bed of his Ford F-150 truck. Parent must supply own wipes, plastic bag and gallon bottle of rinse water.

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O.K. - If You Don't Shoot Me, I'll Eat the Okra.

…… so, you’re out on a day hike in the woods. Mind you, you’re not in the jungle far from civilization. You spot some vegetable like growth on a vine or tree. What are the chances you’ll have the desire to sample something that looks like this …..



Or this ....



Or this ....



Me? No way. I’d be out of my mind! Yet, I’ve actually eaten the delicacy pictured in the last sample. And you know what? It’s okra! I’ve actually eaten okra! Voluntarily! Because I love my wife! She likes okra and I love her so I eat it! Even though I find it totally loathsome! I must be nuts!

Some interesting okra tidbits:

When cut, okra releases a sticky substance with thickening properties. The same thing happens when you lance a boil.

Grown in tropical and warm temperate climates, it is in the same plant family as hibiscus and cotton. Yes, I do believe I’ve had cotton mouth after eating okra.

Its mild flavor can be compared to eggplant, though the texture is somewhat unusual. Now, there’s an understatement!

Whole, fresh okra pods also make excellent pickles. Don’t come anywhere near me with that!

So, if I happen to be traipsing through the jungle, famished and hallucinatory and I come across some okra, yes, I will eat it. Even raw. But when there’s a choice, it goes right on the list along with calves’ liver, rutabaga, beets and eel. Meanwhile, baby, I’ll cook your okra for you – on the grill outside – right next to my corn on the cob. Love ya.