... and the DUH Award goes to .....

It had been a particularly noteworthy Sunday.

Church in the AM followed by a short nap and then a 1 hour drive to

meet some friends from way back for a snack in Lakeland, FL.

The drive over was uneventful and considering traffic in Central Florida,

that made it eventful.

Our meeting went as planned and we continued onto the Lakeland Civic Center for a performance of Cirque du Soleil's "Saltimbanco".

Oops ... I failed to mention that we boldly brought along our 2 year old.

You would not have known it. She was on her best behavior and presented herself as a most charming individual.

It was daring of us to bring her along to the 2 hour show, but she was transfixed on the display of athletic prowess and the illusions before her. She danced, cheered, and glued her eyes to the performance area.

But, what followed was most unimpressive ......

For this reason ......

goes to ......

The Staff and Management of Lakeland's

I love this eatery's milk shakes and the sign loomed before us so we stopped for dinner at approximately 7:30 PM.

We placed our orders ..... (22 minutes after being seated)

1 Grilled Chicken Salad

1 Single Steakburger with Cheese and Bacon

1 Vanilla Milk Shake

1 Order of Chicken Fingers

(The chicken fingers were free - special on Sat & Sun:

Free kid's meal with each $8.00 spent)

Our daughter had pooped and so I attended to the primitive ritual of the diaper change. I figured I'd take my time, so we sang and wiped and washed and sang some more. She loved the sounds of her screams ricocheting off the tiled walls. When we arrived back at our table, still no food, although the shake had arrived. 43 minutes after being seated, along comes a different waitress with our order. The Steakburger and chicken fingers were there on the tray, but there appeared to be a chicken club substituted for the chicken salad. We told the waitress and she brought back the whole tray. Leaving us in her dust, we tried to tell her to leave us the bloody burger and chicken fingers (we were so hungry we were ready to eat the people in the next booth) but she flicked us off and went back to the pick up window. 3 minutes later, she returns with the chicken salad and the other 2 items and informs us that she had brought the wrong tray. I wanted to say "You friggin' liar!" but I managed to maintain poise and dignity. Our regular waitress stopped by to see how it was going and I told her what happened and could she bring me a new bun for my burger as there was mustard on the one I was served which I didn't order. She reached down to grab the plate containing the burger. "Just a new bun!" I said in a style reminiscent of Jack Nickolson in "The Shining".

The rest of the meal went without a hitch.

I asked for my check. Our waitress indicated that it would just be a minute.

I told her that I would stand in the aisle until she returned.

It came in 30 seconds.

The Chicken Club Sandwich (never ordered in the first place)

was still on the bill ........

The Child's Meal (should be free) was also charged .....

Our waitress offered to take care of it.

"No, that won't be necessary. I'll do it myself when I pay for the check."

The manager was at the register. We were wanting to get back on the road back to Orlando, so I mentioned the disputed items and he deducted them without question. ....... But here's the best part, folks .......

I paid with a credit card and he asked for I.D.

This is what I presented to him .......

Actual scan of a gag driver's license I keep in my wallet

He compared the credit card to the gag driver's license and said

"Thank you, sir."

And so, Steak and Shake, Lakeland, Florida .......

here's your DUH Award for the most screw ups in one meal

during a 90 minute period. That's right, we were back on the road at 9 PM.

We actually drove to Orlando in less time than

Steak & Shake could put 3 lousy items on our table (not including 10 minutes to consume the marginal fare presented to us.)

Much success to you in your overall incompetence.